


The Sword in the Stone

by SelenaTerna



Series: Random Doctor Who Ficlets [3]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Humour, Sorry Not Sorry, Sword in the Stone, but where is Archimedes?, my muse made me do it, silly fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: The Doctor tells Rose the real story behind the sword in the stone. It's not quite what she thinks.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people! This is my response for this week's Time Petals drabble prompt 'stone'. This is utterly silly and ridiculous and serves no purpose at all except to allow me to bask in the silly :) It's in 5 x 100 word drabbles (or just over, possibly). Again, this is in my TPP works also, but because this is longer, I thought it deserved its own little home :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“You’re havin’ me on.”

“Nope.” The Doctor grinned.

Rose stared at the Doctor. “You’re _seriously_ tellin’ me that the Sword in the Stone was real?”

“Yep! Really real!” He nodded emphatically. “But King Arthur didn’t pull it out- that was pure legend. Actually, the sword belonged to the Ancient Tyrethians – a relic of one of their princes and they wanted it back. They took the whole lot back to their planet- stone and all.”

She shook her head in bewilderment. “I don’t….How does a sword…an _alien_ sword… get stuck in a stone in the first place?”

“The Tyrethians landed in the late fifth century by mistake- had a bit of a snafu with a temporal quantifier - and they wanted to blend in with the locals 'til they could fix it. One of them, a descendant of Migglesnuff the Moronic, carried his ancestor’s sword on board his craft as a kind of good luck charm, so they started carrying it about.”

Rose stared at him. “Migglesnuff? The _Moronic_?”

The Doctor shrugged. “He was singularly stupid- just also happened to be very lucky. Was fighting a duel and the other bloke slipped on some Pikilasaur droppings (bit like a hippo, really) and managed to fall on Migglesnuff’s sword on the way. Good old Miggs became a bit of a hero after that.”

“Right.” Rose blinked. “Idiots and hippo shit aside, you _still_ haven’t told me how the sword got into the stone, Doctor.”

“Oh! Well, they were walking about with this sword, and someone nicked one of their atomic transfer accelerators and accidentally misfired the beam and, well, essentially teleported the sword to the middle of this rather fetching stone. The chap in question hit the wrong button and fired the beam in the wrong direction.”

“But why would they _do_ that?” she demanded in bafflement. “I mean, you think they’d know how to use their own teleporter thingy.” Her eyes narrowed. “Unless it wasn’t one of them who did it.”

“Weeeeellll, I, er, believe it wasn’t. One of them, that is.”

She gaped at him in sudden comprehension. "Oh, you're _kidding_ me!"

He flushed.

"Doctor!"

“I didn’t mean to!” he protested.

She shook her head in disbelief. “You put the _sword_ in the _stone_!”

“It was an accident!”

“How do you teleport a sword into a stone by accident?” she demanded.

“I was aiming at something else but I hit the wrong button and the beam went in the wrong direction and got the sword by mistake!” He blurted.

She was almost afraid to ask. “What were you aiming at?”

He flushed. “Weeelll…oneofthemhadstolenmybananaandIwanteditback.”

She stared. “Sorry, what? Did you say that you stole a teleporter to get a _banana_ off someone?”

“To get it _back_ , Rose! It was _my_ banana to begin with! There weren’t too many bananas floating about fifth century Britain, let me tell you.”

“Let me get this straight- you stole an alien teleporter, screwed it up and teleported a sword right into a rock which turned into a huge legend that people are _still_ arguin’ about _just to get your banana back_?"

He grinned sheepishly and tugged at his ear. “Maybe?"

"I can't _believe_ you! Next you'll be tellin' me that the Loch Ness Monster was an alien you accidentally dropped in the lake!"

He tugged at his ear again. "Well actually..."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> As always, if you have any questions or comment, drop me a line on Tumblr! I'm at http://countessselena.tumblr.com.


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